Sorry for the lack of post everyone. We have been pretty busy! There should be some good ones if I ever get to uploading the pics. :) But until then here are some of Cash's CUUUUUTE six month pictures.
I have been putting off writing part two to Cash's birth story. It is something I try to forget ever happened. I will never forget those 17 days, but I definitely push those feelings to the verrrrry back of my mind. For the record, some of my thoughts you will read are not nice. They sound mean and selfish but it is how I felt at the time. Once again, this isn't a pretty blog, but a real one.
Friday Afternoon- The nurse took Cash to the nursery so I could try to get some sleep. I laid there trying to shut my eyes. I couldn't. I was so excited to be a mommy I wanted my baby right beside me! I pushed the call button many times and it didn't work. Come to find out my bed wasn't plugged in. haha
Finally I found something to throw at poor, exhausted, Nate sleeping on the pull out couch. I told him I wanted Cash in with me and asked him to go get him. I waited impatiently as he got up and out the door. It seemed like forever later he walked in with no baby.
I asked why he didn't get Cash and Nate said he was told Cash's oxygen levels or blood pressure levels or something were too low. I feel horrible, but honestly I don't remember what it was. This was such a stressful, trying, time that I really don't remember details.
Anyway, the nurses told him it was normal and he would be back in our room within a couple hours.
We waited and waited. My Granny and Grandpa came to bring me some flowers and see the baby but still nothing. They left and more visitors came. My Aunt Val and cousin Kira.
Not too long after they arrived one of the nurses came in. They told us our baby was sick. He was going to have to stay in the nursery. Again I can't remember details of what was said. I remember asking the nurse if this meant he wouldn't get to come home with us on Sunday. She looked at me with sympathy because I was oblivious to how sick he really was.
Throughout the night our families came back. We even had people from my old ward come down and give Cash a blessing. I was able to stand that night so they wheeled me into the nursery.
Nate and I sat at our tiny baby's bedside pained by what we saw. He had so many cords connected to him, and at this point the c-pap, so his bitty face was covered. He didn't have a PICC line (A catheter in his vein allowing blood to be drawn easier and to administer meds. and other things) so his poor little feet were bruised and swollen from having blood taken so many times. He couldn't breath on his own and couldn't even cry.
Seeing these pictures bring back all the pain we felt that night. I seriously thought these would be the only "family" pictures we would ever have.
Trying to smile
Nate and I tried to get some sleep around midnight. The pediatrician and nurse came in once at 3:00 am Saturday morning and tried to explain to us what was going on. They said if things didn't start to go better he would be life flighted. Within a couple of hours they came back in. He was going to be life flighted and the plane would arrive at 7:00 am. We cried together. I called my mom to let her know what was going on. Nate called his parents and ran home to pack a bag to take on the plane.
I was distraught at the thought of being so far from my baby. I was envious of Nate for being able to go with Cash and watch over him. I was Cash's mother I should be the one to make sure he is alright. Instead I was stuck in a stupid bed, not able to do anything for my poor, defenseless, baby.
Nate and I waited in the nursery for the life flight team to arrive.
I looked around and saw two healthy babies. I could not control my self. I sobbed asking God why those babies got to be healthy, what did I do so wrong to have this put upon my innocent child. I was so jealous of the parents that got to hold those beautiful babies. To hear them cry. To smell the sweet newborn smell.
Life flight arrived and explained some more what was going on to Nate and I. Our families anxiously watched through the window waiting for any word. They did another X-ray and put him in the huge portable incubator.
Trying to fight his way out.
He was wheeled into the hallway and all family told Cash goodbye. I watched the life flight team and the two most important people go down the hallway and those big doors. Nate was so brave. He looked like Cash's body guard. haha
A picture my mom snapped as he was wheeled away
I stayed in the hospital until Sunday afternoon when I was released early. They gave me all the things they give parents taking their baby home. A package of diapers, blankets, his hat, everything but the baby.
I remember being afraid these items wouldn't be mementos, instead they would be the only things I would remember my baby by.
Hey everyone! I decided to start a blog to share all that goes on in the lives of Jayde, Nate, and Cash. That and I'm always on this site anyway. haha I can't promise it will always be exciting but it will be real.
I will start by talking about the biggest event in my little ol' life, the birth of my baby boy. Most people can look back at the day their child was born and the days after and have fond memories of holding baby for the first time, cuddling, getting to know each other, etc. We didn't have a storybook start, but I am determined to have a storybook ending.
It all began early March 2010 when I found out I was pregnant. Nate and I were nervous, but excited. We were scared to get attached to something that could so easily be taken away from us. As time went on our nerves settled and everyday was a count down to November seventh (our due date.) I had a perfect pregnancy other than nasty morning sickness in the beginning. It never occurred to us that we would have anything less than a perfect birth too.
On November fourth, 2010 Nate and I went grocery shopping to stock up before the big day. As we were pushing the carts up the hill to the truck I had some really intense braxton-hicks, or so I thought. We loaded the groceries in the truck and I was putting away the carts. All of a sudden I felt a wetness. I got back in the truck and told Nate, "Either my water just broke or I peed my pants." This was 6:00 pm.
We got home and confirmed that it was my water. I had a jumble of emotions and started crying. I was happy! I was scared! Was I ready?! We called the OB and they said to come down. I ate a small meal and packed and off we went! I got checked into a room and was in there for maybe 20 minutes when Mom, Dad, and Emma showed up. Everyone was so excited, Dad and Em even wore their Johnny Cash shirts.
My contractions weren't very strong yet. Only a number of 35.
Just chillin' thinking this is a piece of cake!
Since they weren't very strong they started me on pitocin to get things moving along (which I HIGHLY, HIGHLY regret!!) Not too long after they were coming hard and fast but I still wasn't dilating very quickly so they upped it and upped it. At 12:00 AM, November 5, 2010 the Dr. showed up and said the baby was under distress. Cash's heart rate kept dropping but at this point it was coming back up fast enough that it wasn't a huge concern.
As the hours went on things got worse. I was in a lot of pain and Cashy couldn't handle it either.
At 7:00 am I caved and asked for an epidural. They called the anesthesiologist and he said he wouldn't be able to get to me for a couple of hours so they gave me some drug through the IV. Well, 15 minutes later here comes the anesthesiologist with my HUGE needle. After that I was in complete lala land. I remember watching Yo Gabba Gabba and telling Emma how funny the guy looked. Funny thing is I was in the room alone haha.
The laid back, relaxed, Jayde went out the window about 9:00 am. The Dr. came in and said if things didn't start to look up it was time for a C-Section. Cash's heart rate was still dropping really low, and now it was taking too long to come up. We hoped and prayed and hoped and prayed but around 10:00 am we got the news. The Dr. said I was at 9 out of 10 cm but not "stretchy" enough to give birth vaginally. We then heard the words "If we don't get this baby out soon he won't make it."
We were all hysterical. But mostly me.
I sobbed and sobbed as they rushed me to the OR. I remember people in the hallways looking at me with sympathy in their eyes.
I didn't want their sympathy. I wanted to know my baby would be okay.
Nate got left behind somewhere in the mix to get into scrubs. I was wheeled into the room and hyperventilating. All the nurses were so sweet. They tried to console me but I was inconsolable. I kept asking where Nate was, why isn't he here yet, I need him. It seemed like hours before I saw him walk through the door. He sat down next to my bed and held my hand. We looked eachother in the eyes and cried.
I have never felt as close to Nate as I did at that moment. Neither of us knowing what the future would hold, scared for the life of our sweet baby boy.
I don't really remember too many details after that. The Dr. and nurses kept saying I would feel a lot of pressure. I did then I heard the most beautiful sound in the world.
Cash Jame Curtice let out his first cry.
Nate got up and looked and said, "He is beautiful babe, and he has a lot of hair." He watched as they wrapped him up. Dr. G swept Cash by my face and all I could say was to Nate, "He has your chin."
Nate and Cash left and went to the nursery as I got stitched up and sent to the recovery room.
I'm pretty sure I drove the poor nurse crazy asking how long it had been every minute and a half. lol
Walking to the nursery
In the nursery with Daddy
I finally got to be wheeled into my room and the first thing I see was Johnny (Nate's brother) holding Cash. A wave of emotion overcame me and I cried. The nurse settled me and Nate handed him over.
He was perfect.
Nate's family left and we spent a little time together before my Mom, Dad, and Emma came in.
Everyone left and it was time for our little fam to get some rest. We tried breastfeeding and he rocked at it! He was so cute, so healthy, nothing seemed at all wrong with our perfect baby.
Nate laid down on the little couch and Cash and I made ourselves comfy in the bed. I tried sleeping but was so scared I would roll over and hurt him. The nurse came in and asked if I wanted her to take Cash to the nursery so I could get some sleep. I reluctantly agreed.
Little did I know that would be the last time I would hold my baby for the next two weeks.